There are some songs, or maybe albums, that have become brainishly linked to the library experiences of the past of me.
Hearing them and feeling, the scanning nights there, nights of scanning. Well, some hours of, scanning.
Turning a page, seeing a thing and pausing for a moment. Waah, the beauty or some word. It could also be longing or fear, or just a longing for some word. There’s some, calculation that happens subconsciously for the feeling which leads me to an overwhelming question. And then that means to scan, uh. (Click the button.)
Or the brief eye contact, or sitting on the floor for a moment, and the sound of the thing and wondering if it’s too loud and disturbing the library users even though there’s not really many people there. And it’s dark outside, and looking forward to the walk home but not really looking forward to the being home.
It is an experience of miniature discovery, which one is only, semi-in control of really. I don’t know what is next or what will be found, and I don’t know the feeling, only when I feel it and that it is good and necessary.
All the while, with a soundtrack that was chosen I suppose, so that I only hear that, and the scanner sounds which were fairly loud.
It will be a nice memory for a time closer to death, or right now, or whenever I hear the musics again.